Four Signs of Self-Care Struggles; Problem Solving.

The last sign of struggling with self care is problem solving.  When we problem solve everything in our lives; we keep ourselves out of the present moment, distract ourselves from being with our emotions and experiences and lose our internal wisdom.  While problem solving is a necessary skill for many things in our life, it doesn’t need to be the only skill that we use.  It can create struggles trusting ourselves when we jump to problem solving verses giving ourselves space to just be who we authentically are in life. 

The following blog will talk about how problem solving helps us in some ways but like many signs, it can limit us and cause more pain and suffering when we forget to care of ourselves or limit the care we have for ourselves. 

Limit the present moment

Like story telling, problem solving keeps us out of the present moment.  We jump right from a perceived problem to finding the solution to the problem.  Sometimes this misses the meaning for the moment.   While not every problem needs to have a meaning, some can tell us about ourselves.  It also tells us that every perceived problem has a solution and unfortunately not every issue or situation has a solution.  Some things are just what they are and not everything can or should be solved.  When we jump to trying to fix or solve, especially within a relationship, we can inadvertently cause deeper issues.  In addiction, when we focus on everything being a problem, we end of abandoning ourselves in favor of solving or fixing everything around us. It can cause quite the distraction.

Distraction is always the answer:

Distraction can be helpful at times when choose to distract ourselves, but it isn’t always the answer to every situation.  Often when jump into problem solving mode, we are trying to keep ourselves from painful emotions or experiences.  We are avoiding feeling emotions or sitting with the discomfort.  Being able to sit with our discomfort is like building a muscle; it is the small steps and consistently which builds the strength of the muscle.  If we don’t exercise this muscle; it can get sore easily when we use it and if we don’t use it, we lose muscle memory. 

Even if we decide not to use this muscle through distracting ourselves; these emotions and experiences don’t go away.  They lay hidden under the surface and will eventually show up even when we don’t want them or without our control or consent.  Eventually the ticket will need to be pain sometime in the future and often during times.  Being able to sit with the discomfort allows us more awareness and more control for when they do happen throughout our lives. 

Ignoring our internal wisdom:

When we limit ourselves in the present moment and keep ourselves distracted through problem solving, we get farther and farther away from our internal wisdom.  There is benefit in sitting with uncomfortable or difficult experiences as a teacher.  While we don’t like it and try hard to get away from it; sometimes there can be a clear message our internal wisdom and highest wisest self is trying to speak to us.  This doesn’t mean it is a solution to our “problem” but it can be a message, a sign or just the experience itself.  Sometimes the sitting can give us a piece of information will inform us for later on or gives us pieces to an answer needed in the future or even give us some compassion for ourselves. 

Final thoughts on the series: 

My hope with this blog series is that when you experiences one of the signs, you take a moment to investigate how these signs are showing up in your life, if they are helpful or if they are used to keep us from caring for ourselves.  This is a life long process and becoming an expert on yourself can help you recognize these signs and what you need to do have better care for yourself.