Some of my favorite people: people-pleasers!

There are a few of my favorite people; people pleasers!

I have had the opportunity to move into private practice full time and work with the all the clients who I love to help and many who help me to better understand others and often myself.  Here are some of my favorite clients I like to work with and help them discover all their innate abilities, skills and wisdom. 

Who typically experiences people-pleasing. 

Typically, women tend to struggle with people pleasing traits.  This is due to varsity of complex belief systems or beliefs; gender roles, personality traits, society expectations, parenting roles and family expectations.  All people have a desire to make others happy, and help them feel safe or connected but it becomes a problem when it gets in the way of our ability to meet our own needs and feel safe/connected on an individual basis. 

What are signs of a people pleaser:

Typically I see people who are often in a caretaking role or gravitate towards taking care of others.  They will usually put their needs above others, go above and beyond for people without seeing anything in return.  They often do a lot of apologizing for themselves, feel incomplete without being involved with others, and they can also put themselves in difficult situations or self-sacrifice.  People pleasers struggle with boundaries, feeling taken advantage of at times and can have moments of conflict and irritability within significant relationships.

Why is it important to be aware of it?

People pleasing can lead to burn out, exhaustion, disconnection and lack of truly authentic and meaningful relationships.  People pleasures tend to focus externally on others and don’t have the capacity to develop internal likes, preferences or other needs.  It can also lead people to feeling empty inside.  When these experiences show up, it leads to a lot of pain, suffering and unhappiness. It becomes a need that cannot be filled.  Because people spend so much energy on others, it doesn't leave much room for their own internal life. This really prevents people from living their most authentic and best lives. 

What are some key habits and mindset shifts to help you overcome people-pleasing tendencies?

When I work with people(to be honest myself too),  I try to help people discover boundaries, understand their own needs/wants and to reframe the real strength that can be people-pleasing.  It can be an incredible strength that leads to a deep intuitive sense about others and help others to be heard but like many superpowers, it can also be used for bad.  

Helping people dream of what life would look like when they include themselves in the people pleasing experience can be helpful along with working on self-compassion.  Really, people pleasers work on developing a relationship with themselves.  

I have found that disappointing others or feeling like we let others down can be scary but so can the opposite of that experience; becoming our highest wisest self and meeting our own needs in a healthy, loving and supportive way. 

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