Three “Takeaways” from Caretaking
Caretaking can be a tricky minefield to navigate. It can be pleasurable to take care of and nurture others but it can be something we do as a way of avoidance or out of obligation. Those of us in the social work field struggle with these boundaries in a very unique way; caretaking can be seen at the heart of our work. We listen, hear, search for the meaning and dig under the surface. We also look to what is not being said or spoken. Often people will tell us they have felt heard or seen for one of the first times. The following post will look at a three major things that can be “taken” from caretaking.
Agency:
Social work can be a tricky profession. We are involved with people in deep pains and hurts along with systems of oppression. As social workers, we also see the best, the hope, and possibility of others. It take a good set of boundaries and skills to be able to navigate the two extremes in social work. When we fall into one side of our profession, we can start to take the agency of the person through caretaking. Caretaking is caring for another person. It can be visualized and conceptualized in so many ways including taking over or taking from another person.
We can get very invested in the prevention of pain and prevention of discomfort. When we do this, we risk shifting the focus back on ourselves moving into the ways to meet the needs of others without being curious on what they need. Many of us in social work can call it the ego, or our sense of justice, or even our our own dislike of suffering.
This process of avoidance or our struggle with discomfort moves us out of caretaking of others and into the caretaking of ourselves. When can start to notice we are trying to making our own emotions or our own pain go away by managing it for other people. As social workers, we can override the choice, autonomy and independence of others when we “think” we know what is best as a caretaker. This creates a sense of codependency; the person not being able to trust their own voice> It also creates a greater dependence which leads to a host of other problems and unintended consequences.
Our Needs:
When we override and take over the care of others, we started to loose sense of our own needs in a variety of ways. Our needs do get met through the caretaking process but only a narrow version of them. Often they can be the needs surrounding pain, discomfort, satisfaction and avoidance. We finely tune these experiences which leaves out our own ability to be with the discomfort of our choices.
We become so focused on the needs of others and how they meet some of our needs that we lose sight of the large variety of needs we have within us. We lose how we are responsible for meeting our own needs in our own unique way. Caretaking can “take’ us away from our true and authentic selves of what it means to be human beyond just the needs of others. It also takes us away from ourselves and how we can see things differently and be okay with it. Caretaking can take us out of the present moment.
Our Identity:
When we lose ourselves in caretaking through taking the agency of others or losing connection to our needs, we start to lose a sense of ourselves. Because of the intensity and intimacy involved in social work, it can become blurry. We put ourselves into social work and we cannot help but to be shaped by the people we work with and their lived experiences. When we are only invested in being a social worker, we lose the other ways we can enjoy life. We become invested in the management, control, manipulation of others which causes us to lose ourselves and see the ways they want to be seen. We lose objectivity and in some ways a piece of our identity. We are more than “just a social worker” or “just a parent” or “just a partner”. We are human with fears, joys, love, dark spots and areas that need our own love and nurturance. As a social worker, our identity can be lost when we move away from who we are towards who we want others to be.
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