What do we do with the anger?
What now?
A lot of us are angry right now. It is showing up in my office, at my home and in my own body. We are angry for losing our rights as people who can get pregnant, as people who identify as women, as those of us who believe and see the invaluable goodness of others. It feels like it most of us are on a merry-go-round that is spinning out of control and no matter what we try, it does not seem to help, only to make it go faster and faster. I am not sure about you, but the older I have gotten, the sicker I have gotten from the fast turning and spinning. It feels out of control, a sense of powerlessness, grief, sadness and above all anger.
In My Office:
So many of the people I work with name this anger they are feeling. It stays with them all day, bubbling under the surface and a constant presence in their lives. They struggle to be with it and offer it some self-compassion. Self-compassion seems to be in short supply for us. We can see the anger show up as the panic, shutting down, as an inward depression, and exhaustion. It has become a constant companion for so many of us. It is slowly wearing us down, disconnecting us from ourselves and others. This is one of my greatest fears; this disconnection from self and from others. This is what creates the fear, terror, hurt, misery, suffering and the pain we are inflicting on others.
In My Home:
In my own home, we are struggling with the anger. We cannot leave it at school or the workplace. It shows up on our phones, social medias, emails, text messages, phone calls, and every day interactions. We are in a period of struggle being able to regulate our nervous systems with each other and within ourselves. The ability to stay safe and calm with each other happens in small glimpses and not the long comfortable moments. Home does not stay the same comfortable sanctuary with which we can shed the weight of the world once we enter the doors. While I can point fingers in many ways, I realize it has become harder and harder to keep the outside world out. I also see this belief as a privilege within itself.
In My Body:
The ability of people to separate works quite well. While I have had this ability for many years, I also find this has gotten harder and harder to access the more I live in my body. Being in my body is a way of living that connects me to myself in so many deep ways along with connecting to my anger, sadness, grief, pain, loss, suffering, joy, happiness and peace. While I can thank my own therapist for this work, the work to get there has not been so easy. It is not easy to sit with the wailing grief, the powerlessness, the helplessness, hopelessness and the bottomless agony of pain that happens from living in the world. When we do not live in our bodies and be with the emotions, we create an enormous amount of suffering. We can miss messages, information and shared experiences with others. It blocks our ability to use self-compassion and empathy. Living outside our bodies can create the divides like gender, race, privilege, class, sexuality, class, economic and all other identifiers that separate use from our shared experiences of being humans with emotions.
What do we do with it?
We wail, we laugh, we get angry, we name it, sit with it and befriend it. We say hello to it and maybe give it a name. We keep it in the light and stop ignoring it. We treat it like another energy source in the world and we take it and channel it in ways that bring us closer to what can be possible. We shower it with love, self-compassion, kindness, curiosity and know that while it is personal, it is also individual. We need to keep anger out of the dark to take away its power, love it and use it to make things better. Use action, protesting, talking, naming, loving, writing, screaming and moving. Know that there are so many who don’t get these options and we need to speak for them too.
